Life Lessons for Lawyers: Answering Key Questions

Reading time

9 minutes (estimated)

Date posted

7th Apr 2025

Written by Ray Steinwall, author of Life Lessons for Lawyers

A Brief Information of the Book

The book draws on professional experience and published works in the areas of leadership, philosophy, psychology and management (amongst others) to discuss the ‘softer’ qualities of being a good lawyer – qualities which are not taught or widely documented, such as humility, confidence, personal relationships and our dreams and vision.
The book demonstrates that we can be individuals within the law and outlines qualities that can both enrich our work and our souls. A theme throughout many of the chapters is to encourage us to think and act differently to what we may have been taught, what others expect or what we ourselves believe. To know that regardless of our strengths and weaknesses, we are unique individuals in the law. This book offers wisdom and pragmatic support for lawyers and anyone involved with the law.

What inspired you to write Life Lessons for Lawyers?

The inspiration for this book was conversations with several lawyers whom I mentored and law students I met on my travels.
The law students asked about what it was like to practice law, working in a law firm, what subjects they should study and career choices. I sensed their feeling of unease about making the right choices, as if their entire future depended on it.
The lawyers I mentored struggled with managing workloads, dealing with difficult managers and career advancement. One lawyer of colour told me how she had been repeatedly overlooked for promotion despite being better qualified and working harder than those who had been promoted. It inspired the final chapter of the book on cultural discrimination which discusses the challenges faced by culturally diverse lawyers, the toll it takes and how best to respond.
Universally the law students and young lawyers sought advice on how to navigate the legal world. Not the law itself but their place in it. Despite all the advances in career counselling they still had the same doubts and insecurities I had as a student and young lawyer. I came to believe that there was value in trying to capture the intangible things that cannot be taught but are nevertheless so important to know.
Several lawyers whom I mentored also spoke of their experiences and what troubled them. I began writing them down and whenever I had the opportunity to speak with a young lawyer, I would make a point of asking them what they wished they knew about the law and the practice of law at law school or when starting their career. This book is in part a culmination of those discussions reflected through my experiences and drawing on published works in philosophy, psychology and leadership, among others.
What this book attempts to do is to highlight themes all law students and lawyers face – to make the journey a little easier.

Your book highlights the importance of qualities like humility, confidence, and emotional well-being in legal practice. Why do you think these aspects are often overlooked in traditional legal education?

Intangible qualities like humility, confidence, morality and well- being are issues with which we all grapple – whether or not as lawyers. However, they are particularly amplified in law given the nature and demands of law, whether in practice or in other ways.
These are qualities which are almost never discussed at law school or in the workplace, yet they impact how we work and how we feel. The law is an adversarial profession so the idea that you can be an excellent lawyer yet humble is not a quality that discussed let alone encouraged. Yet, as I discuss, the qualities of humility help us be better lawyers as well as nourishing our soul.
The law also expects lawyers to be universally confident individuals. Yet we are all unique individuals with our strengths and weaknesses. As I show, confidence is not a barrier to being an excellent lawyer. However, if we desire to improve our confidence it is more important to work on areas in which we lack expertise to improve our levels of confidence.
What all these qualities have in common is that they are part of what makes us human. Yet the law seems to overlook the fact that we are all individuals. Being a lawyer does not erase the life circumstances that have made us who we are – and there is no need to abandon them to be an excellent lawyer.

Your book emphasizes that lawyers should act as a moral compass within organizations. What are some ways they can influence ethical decision-making without compromising their careers?

Lawyers should strive to be the moral compass of an organisation because the skills which lawyers possess make us uniquely qualified to perform that role. Lawyers are trained to identify and manage risk and should feature prominently in decisions relating to organisational processes and systems. Lawyers are also adept at assessing arguments, debating others and if we are courageous – being willing to deal with confrontation.
However, being the moral voice is not easy. You will rarely be asked to perform that role and if you do, your advice may not always be welcome. That is why courage is such an important value for lawyers. We need to advocate for change despite facing sometimes hostile opposition.
However, we need to be realistic. We need to find ways to be a moral guardian without compromising our careers or forever alienating others. One way is to make the group aware of other issues which ought to be considered and possibly alternative ways of achieving an outcome. We need to paint a picture for the group of the consequences of a poor decision. It is not just the legal consequences, as significant as they may be. Lawyers need to identify and articulate the broader consequences of decisions and how they relate to the achievement of goals, reputation and the organisation’s standing in the community in a way which resonates with others.
Another way is to express compassion towards others even where there is little else we can do. For example, someone whose employment is being terminated. We can provide the employee with the names of recruitment agencies they can contact or the employee going through legal difficulties with the name of a reputable lawyer in their area or access to legal aid.
We can also practice an open-door policy where others feel comfortable speaking with us about ethical dilemmas they may have or about family or personal issues where we can listen without judgment.

Can you share a personal story—either from your career or someone else’s—that illustrates one of the key lessons from your book?

I was a relatively junior lawyer working in a medium sized commercial law firm. I had carriage of a commercial agreement for one of the firm’s most important clients.
I was invited to attend the office of the lawyers for the other party to discuss the agreement. The chief executive officer (CEO) of our client also wished to attend. I had thought that the meeting was to discuss the deal in general terms. On arriving at the other lawyer’s office (a very large commercial law firm) I was greeted by a partner, a senior associate and another lawyer. Rather than discuss the deal in general terms they proceeded to work through each clause of the document – putting forward alternatives and seeking our agreement.
I was ill-prepared for the meeting. I hastily considered each point they put forward and conceded many. I knew it was going badly. I looked across at the CEO and could see a sense of bewilderment and then frustration creep across his face.
Later that day the partner of my firm called me into his office. The CEO had relayed to him what had occurred and that he was annoyed at our representation. There was even talk of taking business away from the firm. Eventually the partner managed to calm things down and the client stayed with the firm. I kept my job.
On reflection what I ought to have done was tell the partner to attend the meeting with me. I should have first asked for an agenda before attending. And if they wanted to work through the document in detail, I should have asked to postpone the meeting, declined to traverse their points and walked out. Yet, in my inexperience that is not what I did.
I have never again made that mistake. I won’t attend a meeting without a clear agenda. There have been many times since where meetings have strayed from an agenda where I have brought the meeting to an end.
What the story teaches is that we will all make mistakes throughout our career. Lawyers are not immune from making mistakes, even senior lawyers. It is unpleasant to make mistakes because of the feelings which accompany it and the perceived consequences.
However, it is more helpful to view mistakes as a normal part of life and as an opportunity to grow and learn, so we do not repeat the same mistake or are at least better equipped to manage it if it occurs. Making mistakes and learning from them builds our pool of experience from which we can later draw. It is a particularly valuable tool for young lawyers because it is not possible to teach experience. We each take away and learn something unique from our mistakes; something personal to us. It must be felt as much as learned.

If you could go back and give your younger self one piece of advice at the start of your legal career, what would it be?

Seeking advice is important as we start our career. However, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice it would do what you value and what is important to you and not worry about what others think or expect of you. No one has all the answers and your views and decisions are just as valid as anyone else’s.

If readers take away only one key message from Life Lessons for Lawyers, what would you want it to be?

My key message to readers is to embrace and be proud of your individuality – the good and the bad. Being true to yourself and your values will not only nourish your soul but will enable you to become a much more authentic and effective lawyer and leader. To be a good lawyer we don’t have to be clones of other people. We need to bring our authentic selves to our work.